It’s recently been brought to my attention that I am a people pleaser. Be it my mum, my friends, my work colleagues, men or even strangers on the street. I aim to please. And in doing so I make people happy and lots of people love me. But in the same breath, by doing so I deny my own happiness and therefore have built up a wall of resistance to my own happiness. Which has culminated in me reaching a breaking point of rawness and hurt. Because my needs and pleasures have not been met all these years. And by years, I am talking years and years and years as this is probably something I picked up from childhood as a strategy to get people to like me. Sad but true.
By writing this blog, I appreciate this is making me vulnerable and open to hurt but If I am going to help others, I have to be real and true to me. I have never claimed to be perfect in my blog posts and don’t ever want for people to see me as so. I am human and I have flaws. I may be able to give wise, sound advice to others and inspire and motivate but I still am a work in progress and still have lots to learn.
I spent the majority of my teens comparing myself to others. Believing that If I were more like this person I would be accepted. Or If I were less like this next person I would be more accepted. Little did I realise that the first person who had to accept me for me was in fact me. And in not doing so I spent many years trying to be more like this or that so that this person or that person would like me. Hence denying my true self to the world.
But enough is enough. The people pleasing must stop. And its time to get a bit selfish and start pleasing me. My needs deserve to be met. I deserve to be happy. Self acceptance is key. To know and accept yourself, flaws and all is vital. So that when someone comes along and says they don’t like something about you, you look them straight in the eye and say ‘Oh well! That’s me. Either deal with it or JOG ON!’ There’s a quote by Dr Seuss that resonates deeply with me, which is ‘Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter, don’t mind’
Don’t ever feel like you have to change yourself for anyone. And don’t apologise for being you. You were created with a purpose in mind and were created to be yourself for a reason. Oscar Wilde famously said ‘Be yourself! Everyone else is already taken.’ There’s no one quite like you on this Earth. No one. And isn’t that wonderful? That you are unique and only you know you the best!?
In writing this blog it has played on my mind that being so revealing could be a disadvantage to me. As I have always been told not to reveal so much of myself, especially to men as it isn’t deemed to be attractive. Well I now take a different view-point. I think it’s incredibly attractive and refreshing when someone knows themself so well and hasn’t got issue with the fact that they do in fact have flaws. As yes, we are human and not even Obama is perfect. It’s a breath of fresh air to be so REAL!
So I am going to make a stand and lay it out clear. I am Michelle. I am ambitious, thoughtful, endearing, compassionate and kind. I am understanding, adventurous, fun and loving. I am independent, grateful, confident, intuitive and positive. I am open, intelligent and easy-going. But I am also over sensitive, emotional, introverted and intense. I am all or nothing. There is no grey area with me. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am shy around men I fancy. I am a deep, analytical thinker. I have fears like most people. My time and organisation skills are not my strong points. I can be moody. I can be indecisive. And I can be incredibly blonde and say incredibly blonde things! 😉
But I am an inspiration. I am amazing. And I am aware of the power I possess and the potential I hold. So I am ready to stop apologising for my flaws and start accepting them as part of what makes me. And the reason why I decided it was a good idea to lay my heart bare and be open was because I want for you to realise that everyone has flaws so start accepting them rather than denying them. Start loving them rather than hating them. And start loving you rather than the opposite.
My message is clear. Please do not compare yourself to others and put others on a pedestal. Because no one is perfect. Least of all me. The amount of tears I have cried in my short life, is enough to start a flood here in London! I have moments of doubt, insecurity and low self-esteem. And I am fearful of relationships with men. So don’t feel alone. Don’t feel afraid. Because you’re not alone.
Accept yourself. Be yourself. And don’t ever apologise for being you. And If people don’t like you for you, you know what to say right?!
Be yourself. Be proud. Be younique!
Stop people pleasing. Start self pleasing 😉
Much love, Michelle xxx