Loving what is. Not what ‘could’ be (Keep that for your fantasies!)


I have never been good at playing games.  I never understood the rules of chess (and still don’t till this day!) I was forever losing games of tennis (mainly because I had no hand-eye coordination and hitting the ball just once was a rarity!) and don’t get me started on netball, (I used to have nightmares over it!) scrabble (the point of the game defeats me!) and poker (I certainly don’t have a poker face!)  The only games I was any good at were the games that contained the fewest rules (I am a pro at ‘Who wants to be a Millionaire!) And it appears that this detest at game playing has transferred itself over to my dating life.  Playing games hurts my brain.  And sticking to rules is something I have never been very good at!  So all in all, I am not your typical kind of girl who waits till the third date to kiss you or waits two hours before she replies to your messages.  And the reason this is, is because I find the whole thing a big, fat, FRAUD.  Deception at its finest.  And the one thing I am not good at is deception.  And this is something I am proud of.  I hate deceiving others least of all potential suitors and it really baffles me why anyone would do as YOU’RE GOING TO BE FOUND OUT EVANTUALLY and when you do, YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK LIKE SUCH A MUPPET so WHY BOTHER?!?!

The dating game is one big deception in my eyes.  You have your girls who for the first couple of months spend the majority of their time in the gym, beauticians, tanning salon so that they can look picture perfect every time they see you.  They flirt to precision making you intrigued, excited and anticipatory (Flirting is a game I am not a big fan of as those who know me well will know.  It goes straight over my head and I don’t even realise its happening half the time.  Just tell me you like me and simplify it down for me and we will take it from there ok?!! 😉 They max their credit cards out on clothes to impress and speak very little so to not embarrass themselves by saying something silly.  And when they do speak, they don’t give too much away as everyone knows that Rule Number 1 is ‘Don’t reveal too much about yourself and appear to be mysterious’  (and Simon Cowell also swears by this tactic…!) Which in my eyes is the biggest piece of BS there ever was.  And also the biggest deception.  As you are reeling in your potential suitor in with a heap of white lies and sugar-coated pretty stories so that he will think that your s*** smells of roses.  Unfortunately for him by the time that he realises that your s*** does stink and the fact that you are the biggest irritating nag to ever walk the planet, it will be too late as you will have been sucked into a web of lies, deceit and fabrications.  Not only does your pretty little flower snore and fart but she also thinks she deserves to spend all your money, make you go shopping till you are blue in the face and have missed the football for the third week running and made you wear matching outfits to her to parties so that you look like Upminster’s answer to Posh and Becks!

Now I play a different game.  A game I have honed and perfected and learnt the rules to as I have matured and grown.  This is the game of following my instinct and being myself.  I am one of the most open and honest people my friends know and this is an attribute my friends value and respect me for.  I have never been one to be full of airs and graces one minute and the next a whingeing rat bag.  I have always been myself.  As I don’t know how to be anyone else.    And I find the task of pretending to be like someone else in order to seduce someone a bit of a joke.  And something I am not very good at as I hate deceiving people and always end up telling the person as I feel bad!  And the reason I am like this is because I have learnt through my past relationships and dating experiences that If someone doesn’t want you or accept you for who you are NOW, is not someone worth having LATER on down the line.  Because who you are now is worth having.  Who you are now is worth loving.  And who you are is worth accepting.  Just the way you are 🙂

This is not to say that I havent been known to follow these stupid rule books that girlie magazines advocate.  And often they have produced great results.  But do you know what?  Following these rules is tiresome hard work.  And the reason it is, is because you are not being yourself and are resisting what your instinct tells you to do.  You are being someone who the media tells you is perfect.  You are being the idealised fantasy that all men want.  Someone who doesn’t speak much, who loves sex constantly and someone who is submissive to all your needs.  Well, I don’t know about you but why can’t I just be me?! Am I not good enough just the way I am?!? (I think you will find the answer is yes!)  And after having spoken to many a male man it appears this female fantasy is all an illusion and all they want is a nice girl who they can snuggle under the covers with whilst watching a film on a Saturday (my idea of heaven!!!)

So in conclusion, If you want to find out what rule book I am taking notes from, don’t bother as you will be wasting your time.  Love in my eyes is open, honest, unconditional and kind.  Not deceptive, two-faced, mysterious and anticipatory.  I am a nice, fairly simple girl with fairly simple needs (!!!) who  just wants to be protected and taken care of.  And who has never won a game of tennis in her life 😉

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7 responses to “Loving what is. Not what ‘could’ be (Keep that for your fantasies!)

  1. Brilliant!

  2. Absolutely love it xx

  3. Fantastic blog and exactly how it ‘should’ be… Unfortunately life is one big game in which you will inevitably come up against players both male and female. The key is to recognise as early as possible and move on. Mistakes will be made but again it’s all part of life! x

  4. I like this!

    The way you delivered this piece seems as though it came straight from the heart. In my opinion, games really are long… but as with all things, it depends on your perception of what you would call “games”…

    I would be interested to see what you think of this:

    http://eachoneteachwon.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/the-paradox-of-human-relationships/

    And how “games” fit in here.. 🙂

  5. Well, what a brilliant blog. Just to say that you spoke from your heart and I should know you so well, you spoke very honest and sincere and I wish you could write a story in one of the girly magazines, to highlight, how is should be. Just be youself and never pretend to be someone else. Deep down, we can never change who we are. We are shaped from the cradle and nothing will or can ever change a person. You only can pretend to be someone but the likely chance is, that one day you are found out. Well done for highlighting this to so many people. You are a star and so truly wonderful. Keep writing!!! xxx

  6. I love this Michelle – exactly how life should be lived – as yourself! Well done on speaking from the heart and being honest about the way games are often played at the start of relationships… if you can’t just be yourself and not try to disguise elements of your personality, then how much respect and love do you really have for yourself? And how much respect can you expect your potential suitor to have for you when he realises that you haven’t been completely honest?? Very well thought out post that certain aspects of ring true with everyone x

  7. Great post Michelle – there is nothing better than being comfortable being yourself. That’s why my husband and I get on so well, we are totally ‘take me as I am’ people. People just can’t keep up a fake persona for that long into a relationship and people that like / love you will do so just because you are you 🙂

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